We're still recovering from last week's news that my husband lost his job. We've done well to stay positive, but I'm stressed out about it. I understand that stress is really a measure of how well we're able to stay calm in the face of uncertainty, but I'm longing for comfort, for security. Knitting is my security blanket, or at least I want it to be.
I want to disappear my fears into the stitches and be soothed by the finished socks, hat or whatever it is I'm knitting at the time, but I'm not even getting that. The brim for the too-small-hat keeps getting messed up by my distracted stitch counting. I perhaps foolhardily started a laceweight shawl and misread the instructions for increasing. I prefer increasing into the stitch, but the instructions read "make one" which I always associate with doing a bar increase, which looks horrible in this laceweight yarn. The result is more frustration than comfort.
Even if my knitting was going well it seems kind of silly to be soothing myself in the face of so many big decisions that need to be made depending on my husband's job situation. Like a little kid hiding under the covers when he's in trouble, the knitting is never going to take the trouble away. We're still going to have to confront the trouble. The little boy will still have to endure a time out.
What we need right now is a little perseverance. If I buckle down and try harder the hat will be finished, the shawl will be restarted and even a pair of socks will be done. We just need to carry on. There is much suffering in the world. Maybe it's time for me to knit something for Afghans for Afghans and gain a little perspective.
Keep your fingers crossed for us.
"I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night"